For years – I thought I was doing just what I was supposed to be doing. I thought I was doing just what everyone wanted me to.
I faked it. No – I faked EVERYTHING.
Real emotion hidden – smile on my face – get the job done.
And guess what? It worked – until it almost killed me.
People saw: a hard worker, an achiever, a good student, a talented dancer, a good friend, a well adjusted individual. Yet I felt more out of control than I could ever describe.
Those were the days I was sitting in my seat, scared to stand up and ask for help. Those were the days I was afraid to tell someone what I really felt or thought because of how they might view me. Those were the days I forgot what feelings actually felt like. I was held captive by fear, shame, guilt, depression and anxiety.
Then I started doing “It”.
The most uncomfortable, painful, annoying, frustrating, hard, and BEAUTIFUL thing I’ve ever had to learn (and am still learning) to do. People know how I feel – which is scary yet more gratifying than any behavior I’ve ever had. I feel more rested after a release of true emotion than I knew during the years of faking “it”. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I scream. Sometimes I talk. Sometimes I am Silent.
I am doing “It”. — I am standing up and sharing, asking for help. I am saying “This is me – and that is okay.” I am experiencing emotions – being human, and watching the emotions come and go as I change and grow.
I was faking it. Now, I am being real.
Stand up for being real.