It’s natural to want to quit something that consumes a large amount of your time and energy while it’s frustrating, exhausting, and there is seemingly no end in sight…..
I want to quit at least once a day.
And then I remember that trying and fighting and being tired is ALWAYS better than missing out on your life because you’re trapped in compulsive behavior, ritual, instability, and fear.
I skipped out on countless family events because of my eating disorder. Anything I could avoid I did, then my Grandfather died, and I didn’t get to say goodbye. I canceled on my friends to avoid food situations, or so that I could plan my own food rituals, or sometimes because I could not bear to be seen. I spent hours getting on and off the scale, tears streaming down my face, because the number just was not low enough.
Now I fight for recovery so I can see my family, so I can have healthy friendships, so that my time can be spent studying, babysitting, and working with a student organization at JMU, Active Minds.
It takes a lot of energy.
It’s frustrating a lot of the time.
I never want it to end. (Even when I’m tempted to quit)
Because it means that I get a life at all, it means I get all the good and bad that come with living, and I’d rather be tired and living then sitting back and letting my life pass me by.
I have to fight for recovery…. one breath at a time some days… up, down, & all around.
But it’s worth it.
It’s my life. It’s your life.
Trying is always better than missing out.
I don’t want to miss out. You don’t either.