I’m a strong person. I’m a strong person. Let me say it again, I am a strong person.
I guess then it makes sense that the idea of feeling weak, or needing help, or feeling vulnerable to someone else through emotion, physical happening or personal connection makes me want to crawl out of my skin. Being strong isn’t something I decided to be, it’s something I became by necessity. Being strong wasn’t a choice as much as a survival mechanism. I became my own hero because I knew in my heart that’s what I needed for recovery.
To be vulnerable for me means to let someone into a place that I have guarded as my own – a place filled with dreams, fears, anxieties and tears. I wonder, quite honestly, if I will ever let any person into that so very scary and personal place in my heart. I mean if I don’t want to be there – who else could possibly want to or care? What if they walk in then out? What if its too much and they freak out?
I have so strongly protected that place within. I don’t think I’m ready to let anyone in.
I am a strong person. But I am afraid too. Afraid to be vulnerable with anyone… Including you.
I stand for baby steps today. Allowing insecurity to be okay. We cannot take every step at once. I stand for knowing I’m okay being me today.