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“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.”
Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

I always think it’s kind of crazy when people say something like “you’ve been through so much – it’s amazing – you’re amazing.” I think it’s because I don’t see life that way. I recognize that I’ve been through a lot. But who hasn’t?

My life at 22 years old has been filled with trial and turmoil, but I am so thankful that I have come to a place of understanding, at least. Maybe I’m crazy but I consider myself lucky. I consider myself so fortunate. So yeah, my chart reads: anxiety, major depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, bulimia, eating disorder not otherwise specified etc.

I’ve been hurt. But who hasn’t? People leave. People say the wrong things. People in their own pain inflict pain. That’s life right? And that’s why we have to search long and hard for the little things that make us smile.

It’s messy. It’s painful. It’s dramatic. It’s hurtful. It’s long. But if that all we see we will forever be victims. I love art projects, my best friend, my new cat Megan, playing with kids and doing things that make a difference in the lives of others.

I could focus all my energy on every hurtful thing that’s ever happened to me. I could dwell on the dark spots in my life (some of which are quite large). I could think about each and every time a person has hurt me rather than helped, replay it in my brain over and over.

But each day I make every effort to seek light. I look for the good in the people in my life, knowing I’ve probably hurt those who have hurt me too. I do the little things that make me happy and I’m thankful that I’m alive.

I refuse to be a victim in my own life. I don’t think I’m amazing, or incredible or exceptional. I simply understand that if I allow myself to be the victim of my life, my circumstance, my world then I have lost the ability to to move forward.