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“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

Today sucked. Quite honestly I wonder if the applying for jobs and waiting to hear and applying for more and waiting some more is going to kill me. Let’s be honest I struggle with patience. It’s part of my need to be in the know and my desire to be perfect. That makes finding my first job out of undergrad quite the challenge.

In my head my tape starts to play: “You are worthless. What are you even doing with your degree? You are alone in this. Fix it now, oh wait you’re trying and you can’t, see you are worthless, unacceptable.”

And then I glance over into my mirror and suddenly according to my eyes I’ve gained 50 pounds… And another tape beings to play.

Anxiety, depression, mood issues, eating disorder….whatever.

Today was about getting through this bad day and bad night. I went for a run to get outside, and blasted encouraging music in my ears. I worked on an art project which always relieves stress and is a creative outlet for me, took a bath with candles and music and I made myself dinner.

I’m not going to lie to you, every disordered behavior crossed my mind today. Dark thoughts were swarming my head and that’s the ugly truth. I am not an advocate that speaks completely of my struggles with mental health in the past. Because if we’re being honest this is a daily battle.

I was tempted – tempted to return into the darkness that I know so well, but praise God I saw and took the ways out moment by moment, inching my way through the hours. That’s what recovery is all about – and no one ever told me it was going to be easy. But I’m telling you it is worth it.