“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; live as children of the light.”
The world is full of darkness, fear, hate, anger, regret, shame, humiliation, abuse, rejection, sadness and anxiety; but Jesus died for us so that through Him we could know, live in and spread light. In the depths of my disorders and illness I wrote prayer after prayer to God. I filled journals with my crying out to Him when I couldn’t even get out of bed. Often times asking him “why?” or “When will this end?” I pleaded with Him to reach out and comfort me. He did. I wouldn’t be alive today had it not been for the love of Christ, after all it is God who created me, then Jesus who died to save me. That does not change the fact that I felt disconnected from everyone for a long time. That does not change the fact that I have mental illness. That does not change the fact that the world is full of darkness.
God never wanted me to be ill. Just like he never wanted anyone to get cancer, or get into a car accident, suffer abuse, lose a friend or family member. He never willed anything bad to happen for He is a good and loving God. However, there is sin the world. And that sin and evil fosters more sin and darkness and while God never causes pain to happen in our lives, He does allow it to happen. He is almighty, all powerful, omniscient. With these abilities He has the power to see the greater good, the bigger picture, and sometimes, with great compassion allows short-term suffering for His greater purpose.
Romans 8:28 says: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.” The key words there are His purpose, not our purpose.
It’s easy to get mad at God. It’s easy to push away. It’s easy to run away screaming because the weight of the challenge, the experience, the darkness, the heaviness that eating disorders, anxiety, depression, mood disorders, abuse, trauma carry can feel impossible. But God makes the impossible possible. God changes hearts, gives, takes, comforts, celebrates. He is always there, and always will be.
My Prayer for you is to feel is love even in the midst of struggle with mental health or abuse or bullying or felling stigma and shame. YOU are God’s beautiful child.
You can use the form on the page titled “Ephesians 5:8” to submit prayer requests! I would love to pray for you! You can also ask me questions and make comments. I will respond to everyone to writes in and everything will be kept confidential!
Know you are enough ❤ Erin