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The day I was sexually assaulted, was the day that someone took every ounce of power and dignity from me. And everyday since then I have worked to give myself that power back. Sometimes my methods have not been healthy or beneficial, and using treatment I continuously learn and reiterate tools and ideas that heal my heart and soul. I wrote this poem over two years ago about my struggle to accept that what happened was not my fault. Today I know it was not my fault. Today I know without a doubt that I did not ask to be raped. If you’ve been sexually assaulted; you didn’t ask for it either. It is NOT your fault.
I said “No.”
By: Erin Casey
I remember……. I said “No.”
Actually I begged you to stop
I pleaded with you to leave me alone
But you didn’t
You ignored me
Abused my body
You violated me, my body, and my spirit
I remember…….I said “No.”
Time went by; my lips sealed shut
I felt filthy every single day
No one could know, the shame, the disgust
That bathroom became a place for purging the wrong you did
The filth you left inside my body
The impurity and shame I held within
Sometimes I wondered: Did I say yes in some strange way?
Sometimes I asked myself: Did I tell him I wanted that?
Sometimes I questioned: Did I deserve this?
But the truth is out, it’s loud and clear:
I remember…….I said: “No.”
My experience is not uncommon, or unique to me
This horrible thing happens at an alarming degree
I’m working through it day by day
Even though sometimes there is nothing I want to say
But I will always remember that I said “No.”
And that he should have let go.
Facts about Sexual Abuse: (from http://www.rainn.org)
- 44% are under the age of 18
- 80% are under the age of 30
- Every 2 minutes someone in the United States is sexually abused
- Every year there are about 207,754 victims of Sexual Assault
- 54% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police.
- 97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail
- approximately 2/3 assaults are committed by someone known to the victim
- 38% of rapists are friends or an acquaintance
Need Help? Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE It’s free and confidential.