By: Erin

People know that I like control
People know I like to feel empowered
People know I like to feel accomplished
People know I am goal oriented
People know I am driven

Let me tell you what people don’t know.

I manipulate my own body language, speech, presentation
Careful to show anything but my internal frustration

I have a switch that I can turn on at most any time I need
To show others that I have the capability to succeed

But I’ve learned something, or maybe come to a grand realization
My ability to take myself to hide behind my own manipulation
Has done nothing but hurt me in every way shape or form
Preventing me from getting help in the midst of a storm

So I’m becoming aware of this, more authentic to my own heart
Most of us know that realizing the problem is the very start
I’m know I’ve lived my life this way
Which is hard for me to say today
Because I value authenticity, real people, emotions too
So I guess I must admit I manipulate myself to hide from and impress you

But it has been hurting me I’ve realized – that I can clearly see
And on this journey to make myself whole, to make myself free
I must become aware, be gentle, and change that mold
Because honestly I was never REALLY controlled
Just showing the world one part of me, while hiding the other out of sight
But the truth is I am me, the same person in dark and in light

And I will respect the whole, entire me that I am today
Even if it would be easier to manipulate my image and hide parts of me away