We live in the chaos of our own brains. Our life experiences is filtered through the lenses of our past, ideas, misconceptions, hopes, dreams, fears and so much more. Most of us worry so much that we miss the beautiful “little” moments in life.
Here’s the hardest part: as humans we hide all of the anxiety, fear, depression, sadness, anger and insecurity that it causes. We strive to emulate a picture of perfection and we attempt to make it look effortless. Either we’re picking out the perfect outfit or trying to take the perfect family picture or we’re practicing what we are going to say when that important person asks us a question. At the end of the day we’re all doing the same thing: hiding our insides.
I used to wash my bedroom room floors as a kid over and over again. I had it in my head that if my room was clean than everything else would feel better and be better because an outside part of me was perfect. My sister used to spend hours straightening her hair. I know a teenager who changes his Facebook profile picture at least twice a day. A mother I met a years ago who needed her children to be in every extra-cirrcular and sport physically possible for appearances sake.
Changes on the outside can only cover our insides for so long.
Washing my floors never actually made me feel better. My sister still found something about her hair to complain about. The teenage boy who changes his profile picture is still never satisfied; and the mother I met has accomplished little other than push her children to resent her.
None of the things I’ve ever done for “appearances sake” have ever brought me any comfort. Usually those things have just taken me on a wild goose chase of doing more things to keep up with the other ones I’ve already done. So I started doing something different.
I stopped hiding and I started talking about what’s really going on.
I remember sitting on the hood of my car with a friend of mine one night in the barnes and noble parking lot in high school and we just starting talking.
“You know what… I’m really scared about a lot of stuff in life right now.”
She replied: “Really? Me too.”
…. Me too.
The most comforting words in the world. The thing is too, most of the time at any given moment with any feeling past or present we could say “me too” or at least “I know what you mean” but that would mean we’d have to stop hiding.
My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.