“Broken vs Unbroken” how language keeps people from living well.

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I was in third grade and I still struggled with reading. Every single night my mom and I would climb in her bed with a Judy B. Jones books and I would sputter and stutter my way through page after page in agony. At school that had already labeled me as “slow”. I was in every remedial class there was.

My mother was livid.

Maybe because she knew her child was NOT going to fall behind; maybe she felt like the teachers were not living up to their end of the deal (because Lord knows we were doing hours of work at home.) Or, quite possibly she was just frustrated and didn’t know what to think.

Honestly a lot of it had to do with labels. My mom did NOT want me labeled as anything other than my name “Erin Elizabeth Casey.” Oh, and you better believe she fought tooth and nail to make sure that I wasn’t.

Thankfully (for my mother’s sanity), as a third grader my biggest issue was that I liked to run around in school and I got very easily distracted by my peers. Those things were quickly remedied when my parents began paying me and my siblings for high grades (well let’s just say I liked money more than having fun at school). I quickly became a straight A student, and a very high achiever in general.

But, not everything can be fixed with a bribe.

When later, my depression darkened the rest of my life, no amount of money could have gotten me out of that one. It didn’t work that way. There wasn’t a quick fix. There was not an escape button to push. I suffered severely from depression and that more than anything needed to be acknowledged and treated so that I could get better.

It’s hard to admit the truth though when it’s not what you want it to be. I couldn’t snap out of it. I wasn’t going to grow out of it. I had to admit I was sick and ask for help.

Today we look at mental health as

“I’m messed up and they are not.”
“I’m crazy and they are not.”
“I’m broken and they are not.”

It’s not that black and white. It’s much more like “I’m struggling right now so I need support.” We all have mental health so at different times we all need support in different ways. Understanding that needing and asking for help does not mean you’re in a different category or that you have a label of your forehead.

You can’t be labeled. You are so much more.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

Raising a Teenager with a Mental Illness.

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Dealing with Love and Depression

Written by Anonymous

A few months back I wrote about my teenager with depression and dating.  Having a teenager dating is scary no matter what but having a teenager with mental illness dating is even scarier.  You never know how the mental illness will affect your child’s decisions and adding another teen with their own agenda into the mix can complicate that even further.  Yet, despite that I feel lucky and blessed because my child made a good choice in who to date.  Not only has her boyfriend not pressured her to do anything but he also is trying to understand her and her depression.  She’s lucky to have someone who is willing to learn about her and tries to understand her.  But that’s a lot to ask of anyone let alone a 17 year old.

She had a huge setback this winter, she had been doing pretty well and then she got ill and behind in school and overwhelmed.  She finally admitted that she felt like she was standing on the edge of the cliff and could see herself falling and felt unable to stop it.  And sure enough she fell back into a major depression.  At which point most teenage boyfriends would have left.  But he didn’t.  Instead she talked to him and tried to explain what was happening and what she needed, which for her is “bubbling” herself off from other people to focus on herself.  So he said okay, just tell me that and I will leave you alone.  So throughout the winter that was how it went.  He gave her the space and time to focus on her, and let her have the opportunity to cope without the pressure of a relationship when it was too much for her to handle.  And now, she seems to be coming out of her depression.  And entering what I refer to as the danger zone.  So now this teenage boyfriend now has to learn about this and trying to explain this is hard.  I refer to the danger zone as the period when you aren’t quite back to “normal” but aren’t deep into the hole of depression.  It where you are climbing out but if you grab one wrong rock (or someone says one wrong thing or something stressful happens) you can easily slide back in.  It’s easy to have setbacks here.  So as a parent you are cautiously optimistic at this time.  As a person with depression, you have to be careful during this time because your mood may change moment to moment.  And there are still days when she needs to bubble not necessarily to focus on herself but to protect herself from saying something wrong or mean or hurtful to people she cares about.  So now it’s a whole new scary situation for everyone again.  And in many ways it’s a new chapter in their relationship.

If he can cope through all this, he’s a pretty strong individual because it’s a lot to handle as a parent who has loved her for her whole life.  In the meantime I will just continue to do my best to support them both on this journey.

 

 

Forgiveness.

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How often do you hold on to all the times you’ve been “wronged.”? I wonder how many other people are holding on the things we’ve done to them and we don’t even know it.

Bitterness is a poison that destroys lives.

I’ve been bitter. We all have. I’ve made lists and held dirty laundry against people that I struggled to get over. Tonight as I sat in the sanctuary of a church listening to the pastor talk about relationships, confrontation, taking initiative, being passive aggressive ect. All I could think about was how much energy all of it takes.

Exhausting right? There is too much good to fight for and too many beautiful things to see. When it comes to mental health and relationships things usually get complicated…. fast. I know things did in my family and for my friends and I. I’ve been blessed with gracious friends and family that have learned a lot along the way; but that doesn’t change the fact that a lot of crap happened. So what do I do? What do you do? What do we do?

We forgive. We say “I was wrong” if we were. And we move on.

Easy? No. Necessary Yes.

….Unless you want to spend the next 20 years hurt, angry, frustrated and unable to smell the roses or appreciate the people coming and going right before your eyes.

Remember: Forgiveness is not a one time deal… its a daily act of love, self-love and love for others.

Today I’m forgiving myself for wasting any time in my life feeling or being bitter.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

Living life at my own pace.

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I’m not big on conventionality. As my coworker says: “Oh Lord there is only one Erin Casey.” He’s right. I do things differently than most people. I don’t care much for anyone’s expectations for me (as my own usually exceed anything they can possibly give.) I do things when I am ready – not in accordance with social norms or what Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, or Dr. Feel Good tell me on TV. No, because they are not inside my body, my head nor living my day-to-day they don’t have a say.

There is no one-size-fits-all for taking care of our mental health (which is attached to every part of our lives). There isn’t a secret pill, a number of minutes of exercise or a certain amount of sleep for everyone. We’re not all going to have the same aha moments or be inspired or fueled by the same thing. It’s just simply not going to happen.

So be different.

Sometimes I stay in bed, eat yogurt, and watch harry potter. Other days I get up early and conquer the world. I ask for what I need. I do what’s best for me without apology. I allow myself to be sad and frustrated. I enjoy the moments when I’m excited and happy. I utilize every support available to me.

Sometimes I go slow, sometimes I go super fast, sometimes I stop – and it’s all good because I decide.

You get to decide too. Live life at your own pace.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

Big Changes.

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There are not many people I know who are “good” at dealing with change. As humans we are creatures of habit. Even when it comes to positive changes in our lives – we often respond with at least some negative reactions. These reactions might come in the form of anxiety, fear, sadness, negative thoughts or behaviors ect.

I never knew that.

When I switched dance studios as a teen I told myself and expected myself to just slide in, make new friends, forget the old and be happy about it.

During my freshman year of college I was under the assumption that I should be having an amazing time (like everyone else).

When I transitioned between summer and school from home-to-college I didn’t understand why I was struggling.

When I graduated from James Madison University. I put the expectation on myself that I should be celebrating and basking in the glory of my achievement.

When I moved out of my hometown into my first apartment I thought that was supposed to be an easy/happy transition into adulthood.

….

You get the idea.

Well, I probably don’t have to tell you at this point that none of those things above actually happened as I expected them or intended them to. Most of them were riddled with fear, anxiety, self-doubt, insecurity (and other things).  I’ve learned those feelings don’t make those experiences bad, less monuments, or significant to me. No – acknowledging those feelings have taught me something really important: I am really strong.

The next time you criticize yourself for feeling or not feeling a certain way about a certain situation or change in your life remind yourself that it’s not about the changes, the feelings, or any of that stuff. It’s about what you do with it.

I pushed, hid, shoved, and stuffed feelings for so long. I got sicker and sicker. Then I started doing something different: allowing myself to be not okay.

Change is hard for everyone – it’s okay to not be okay.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

Let’s get this right: Mental Illness is NOT contagious.

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First let’s start with a definition; just to make sure we’re all one the same page.

con·ta·gious

kənˈtājə (adjective)

1.(of a disease) spread from one person or organism to another by direct or indirect contact.

“a contagious infection”

2.(of an emotion, feeling, or attitude) likely to spread to and affect others.

“her enthusiasm is contagious”

There are many things in life that are contagious: the common cold, infectious disease, even a mood, emotion or smile. However there are many illness that are not contagious. These come in the form of cancer, diabetes, and heart disease (and many more).

Well, what about mental illness?

Depression
Bipolar
Eating Disorders
Schizophrenia
Anxiety
Addiction
Personality Disorders
Adjustment Disorder
Dissociative Disorders

No. Definitely not contagious.

The notion that by talking about mental illness we create more of it is terrifying. That idea feeds into the silence and shame that prevents people from getting the help that they need. It supports a culture of burring our heads in the sand and it prevents conversations about preventative care.

A person does not “catch” depression by reading about it or someone who struggles.

A person does not develop bipolar disorder by seeing it in a movie.

A person does not and will not develop an eating disorder by learning what it is.

Anxiety is not transferred by air; neither addiction by contact.

(You get the idea.)

Mental Illnesses are diseases of the brain. Some people are more susceptible to others because of environmental and biological factors. But no one chooses a mental illness and no one catches one from another person. It’s true we’re all influenced by our environments, but the argument that we should stop talking about mental illness or aspects of it because we are afraid of planting seeds would be the same as – we should stop talking about human trafficking because we don’t want anyone to get the “idea” to do something bad. Or lets stop talking about domestic violence or lets stop talking about teens using drugs and alcohol.

Silence fixes nothing.

If you know someone has HIV you should protect yourself from from bodily fluids. But if you’re planning on protecting yourself from possible negative ideas for the rest of your life, then you’re quality of life is going to be low. There comes a point where we all need to take responsibility for ourselves. Is this dark or is this light? Is this good for me? Is this helpful? Is this relationship good for me? Is this group good for me? Is this organization positive in my life? Where one person sees darkness another sees light.

The “idea” that mental illness is dark makes me angry. Maybe it’s because I see so many beautiful people helping each other. Maybe it’s because I’ve witnesses strength beyond human possibility through the recovery process. Maybe because I’ve seen families come together after being torn to shreds.

The light at the end of a tunnel is the brightest & light should always be multiplied.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

Let me tell you a secret….

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“You are so inspiring.”

This phrase has been said to me more than a few times. Each time I blush, look down, say thank you and make a comment about how my life isn’t my own and my accomplishments have come not from only hard work but the love and support of people that God has put in my life.

The truth is… I don’t feel inspiring.

I don’t say this to you to put myself down or to dig around for more compliments. I say this to you because I’m guessing you feel the same way. When I look at my life personally it’s so apparent what I could have or should have done. I see things that I could have done better. It’s like standing in the mirror with a spotlight on ally my flaws and mistakes. Why? Because it’s me. I see my life on a micro, minute-to-minute  scale where waking up, putting my shoes on and taking out the trash are simple annoyances.

Then I look at say someone like you. I see your story. I see how you love your children and your friends. I see your passions and you convictions. Some of you that write to me, I read about your struggles and your triumphs. I see your hard work and your creativity. I see your loving soul and your ability to put people at ease. I see your differences. I hear you laugh and  see the twinkle in your eye and I think:

“Wow – They truly are inspiring.”

We are always going to look inward with critical eyes. We are going to be tempted to compare our outsides with other’s insides and we will probably always find someone who we believe is more inspiring, talented, beautiful, strong, smart, faithful, competent, eloquent, popular, successful etc. Just remember there is always someone thinking the same thing about you.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

 

Value

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Disease, health, Mental disorder, mental illness, mental illnesses, mental-health, Oceania, Policy and Advocacy, Treatment Advocacy Center, United States

By: Guest Blogger Audra Anderson

 According to the Treatment Advocacy Center, people with a serious mental illness will live twenty-five years less than those who do not.

People with serious mental illnesses may have difficulty retaining viable and sustainable employment.  Some are so affected; they are on disability, because the illness affects their ability to work.

 Many do not make enough money to buy healthy foods, or to live on their own.  Many cannot afford the medications they may need, or even basic dental care.

There are those who are homeless, in shelters, or even in jail.  Many remain untreated, some by choice, others because there is no one to look out for them anymore.

When a child starts showing “behavioral issues” in an educational environment, how many times does the child get suspended, or labeled, but not given the additional services they really need?

How many teenagers with mental illness drop out of school rather than face another day of seemingly failure and finger pointing?  How many cut, begin to self-medicate, become sexually promiscuous?

How many die by suicide?

 This is not acceptable!

 

People with mental illness are people too.  They laugh, they cry, they feel everything anyone else does.  They need food, clothes, and shelter just like everyone else.

They want and need to be loved just like everyone else, sometimes maybe even a little more.

Why is it socially acceptable that people with mental illnesses are stigmatized, segregated and ignored?

What message do we as a society send when we allow these conditions to continue?

Every time we look the other way, or fail to advocate for someone in need, we perpetuate the system that tells those with mental illness that we do not value them enough for them to live a life in pursuit of freedom, security and love.

Each time a person with mental illness in need of food, health care, shelter,  or education is denied these basic needs, we tell them they are not loved and they are of no value to society.

There is no expectation that they will recover, or contribute to society in a meaningful way.

These messages are false and need to be rejected.

Every person that walks this earth has a greater meaning, are part of a larger purpose.

 “The loneliest people are the kindest.  The saddest people smile the brightest.  The most damaged people are the wisest.  All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.”

-Anonymous

 We all should be loved.   We all have value.

 

Therapy.

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Chinese food therapy, Food, health, loaded question, mental-health, Physical Therapy, Professions, therapy, United States

A few days ago someone asked me: “Did therapy help you?” Talk about a loaded question. My immediate response was: “Yes, of course. I would not be where I am today in my life without treatment.” Today I’m going to give you a similar yet slightly more well thought out answer.

“Did therapy help you?” is like asking “Is food good for you?”

A response to that second question would be some food is GREAT for you and you like it, some is great for you and you hate it, some you are allergic to and some makes you feel sick. Some is not so good for you but it tastes good. Some food isn’t good for you and it doesn’t taste good. Some food is an acquired taste.

However in the most general sense food is good for you yes because we need it to survive.

Back to therapy…

“Did therapy help you?”

Some days I remember having realizations and felt progress; other sessions or days I cried and cried and cried yet needed too and felt relief. There have been days, groups, and sessions where I have walked out early (or skipped all together). While in treatment at times my behaviors intensified before they got better. I also, being ill found ways to manipulate my treatment to meet my illness’ needs not my healthy desires. Treatment is a long haul, up and down, fight through it, learn from your mistakes, try again and again kinda thing.

And just like food, therapy (treatment) helped me and saved me because I needed it to survive.

I hear a lot of people talk about how hard therapy is, or how uncomfortable it is. I hear individuals say they cannot afford it. People tell me they don’t have time for therapy. I’ve been there. I get it; I ask though how will you survive? Not just today, tomorrow, but next year, in five years, ten years, twenty years even how will you be surviving; No how will you be living?

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

 

 

 

The Importance of Being Thankful

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Being Thankful, Cold, Disappointment, guest blogger, iPhone, keep going, October, Quater Life Crisis, Rachel Gribling, Scotland, Scots, Scots language, Scottish people, starbucks, Tesco, Thankfulness, UK, United States, weather

The Importance of Being Thankful
By Guest Blogger Rachel Gribling

“I’m so cold” has become an all too common phrase just like “I love you” or “I need my coffee” (you can tell where my priorities lie). As an US expat living in Scotland for over a year now, I have grown accustomed to the dreaded winter weather. The 40 mph wind gusts, cold pellets of rain (I swear the raindrops here are the size of quarters or 10P pieces if you’re a Brit!), and the grey clouds that seem to hover over your head. The weather is a “hot topic” (oh, the irony) in this country. I have never lived anywhere before where people genuinely want to talk about the weather, and not just because it’s the go-to topic on an awkward first date. Just like an overabundance of cheddar in the Tesco cheese aisle, the weather is something you are signing up for when you decide to live here. This fall in particular has witnessed a plunge in temperatures much sooner than I would have liked, giving my pea coat and mittens the chance to make their first appearance this year.

So why would you put up with this, Rachel?

Many people from home have plagued me with this question (often over skype) taunting me with their Starbucks Frappuccino’s and flowery sundresses (I’ve only worn a sundress for two weeks this July when the high was 80 F).

While I crave the warm sunshine and convenience of driving to the market when I’m out of milk, I would not be the same person had I never ventured to the Motherland. The Scots have taught me something valuable about life that I could have never gleaned from any other human species.

Let me explain. There is a reason Scottish men have recently been labelled “the manliest men on the planet”.  If you just have a look at the Scottish landscape – rugged mountains, Artic conditions,  harsh wilderness – it is no wonder that the Scots are some of the most hardy and rugged people to exist. Hard work, a what-you-see-is-what-you-get persona, and thick skin are common traits of the common Scot. When I first met my fiancé, he introduced me to the phrase “touch luck”.  Hardships and setbacks were viewed as mere inconveniences and met with a “tough luck” let-it-slide-off-your-back attitude. My initial shock at his behaviour had me conflating his determination with insensitivity and complacence.

How can you just “get on” with life when life is giving you a giant kick in the pants? Uncomfortably at first, yes but after a while you learn to make use of what you have and “get on with it”.

This valuable life mantra came particularly into play this October. Having recently finished my master’s degree, I was interviewing with a consulting firm anticipating that a graduate position would be offered to me. My plans fell through one morning as I walked to get a cup of coffee at Starbucks. I nearly stopped in the middle of the street whilst glancing down at my iPhone to read my rejection email (to the annoyance of local drivers). Along with four other job rejections, a council tax bill, and an expiring student visa, I was spinning several plates, and in the midst of life, all of them came crashing down at once. Already struggling with high anxiety, my instinctive response was to lose it. My pride was certainly humbled and my faith put under fire. I was experiencing what I would like to call a “quarter-life-crisis”. I still didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up, and after all of these years, after building up my CV, earning good grades, and achieving two degrees…I was found wanting.

I think it is no coincidence that grey skies and winter winds were looming during this period  of my life. Just like the winter air, feelings of hopelessness permeated my down jacket and down to my toes. I was truly experiencing the “harsh” side of life, and I was left feeling like a failure. I am not going to say that rejection is fun, as the past month was very troublesome and dark and I would not want to romanticise any feelings of hopelessness. However, experiencing rejection this October has been one of the most beneficial times in my life. I stopped pretending to be someone I was not; applying to jobs I wasn’t passionate about. I began to direct all my energy into pursuing the only career that mattered to me – teaching students. Had I been successful at securing a corporate job, I may have never found the determination to pursue the one area of life where I felt like I actually belonged. I was set free because my greatest fears, failure and rejection, has been realized and yet I was still alive. Rejection taught me how strong I was, and that I had possessed more determination than I suspected. It revealed to me the true feelings of loved ones, how loyal they really proved to be. Rejection taught me things about myself that no degree or qualification could have. I would have never learned this vital lesson in the comfort of my Toyota in the bright Virginia sunshine. Underneath grey skies, I have learned perhaps the greatest lesson of all and that is something to be thankful for.

““I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”  Anne of Green Gables

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