The Problem with Social Media

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#believe, Alexa, Anorexia, Anxiety, art, awareness, be you, beautiful, beauty, Bulimia, depression, encouragement, health, hope, inspiration, mental-health, Social Media, understanding, where I Stand

The Problem With Social Media
By: Alexa Witcofsky

As much as I don’t want to believe it, social media rules our world. Instead of enjoying the moment we are in, we think about how we can show other people what we are doing and how much fun we’re having. Okay, I admit it: I’m very guilty of doing this. Whenever I go to some place new or have a nice outfit on, I feel a need to snap shot the moment and share it with my friends.

Now we all know the old cliché, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” However, I don’t think this really applies here at all. Pictures don’t show character. Pictures don’t show personality. Pictures don’t show who a person truly is. The picture simply shows a two dimensional portrayal of whoever is in it. Which means as you scroll through the comments of these pictures, the only comments applicable contain words such as pretty. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy being called beautiful, but I am so much more than that. This obsession with “likes” and “favorites” puts our focus on the physical appearance of the people in the pictures, NOT who we truly are.

           I don’t know if you have seen the stories, but more and more teens are getting plastic surgeries to look like their favorite celebrities. They have been bullied for their appearance and believe the best way to stop things is to change how they look. Some people think this is funny, but it really shows the fault in a society that highly values appearance. We value what can be seen before even getting to know who a person truly is, and that is a shame.

            When I was in treatment, we rarely had access to social media, weren’t allowed to have fashion magazines, and could only watch approved television or movies. At the time, it was a really hard adjustment and I felt so out of the loop. But after a while I realized how freeing it was. There was nobody else to compare myself to, no magazines flaunting diet secrets, and no Joan Rivers mercilessly mocking women for not being society’s definition of “skinny”. Instead of all of this, we focused on our soul self. The part of us that no matter what we looked like always remained the same. The part of me that loves art, dancing like a fool, and Harry Potter. I learned more about myself in this time than I ever had, because it was the first time I could be completely alone with myself.

So the best advice I can give here is take a break from it all. When you notice that your mood changes, when you’re thinking about ways to compare to someone, deactivate. Take a moment without social media to be you and not care what other people are doing. Pick up a cheesy teen book that will make you smile, do the wonderful art projects that Dawn posts on this site, or simply go for a walk and take in the fresh air. Whatever feeds your soul self should be all that’s on your agenda. There is so much more to you than your appearance, and there are so many ways to realize this. People love you for who you are- your personality, your humor, your grace.

The trick of being a truly beautiful person is not doing your makeup perfectly or having the most toned body. It’s showing off your soul self and the amazing qualities that you as a person have to offer. When I am an old woman, I want people to look back on my life and think that I was beautiful because I made a difference. I helped people who needed it, I laughed and loved life. I don’t want to be remembered for simply being a pretty shell of a human being. I am so much more than that, and so are you.

My name is Alexa and this is Where I Stand

We are Beautiful.

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Anorexia, awareness, be you, beautiful, beauty, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, Broken, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Education, Erin, hope, inspiration, journey, mental-health, peace, Poetry, recovery, research, Shy, strength, together, understanding, where I Stand

“We are Beautiful.”
By: Erin Elizabeth Casey

We all have walked our own journey
stumbled on our own two feet
fallen….again.
These very things cause a variety of emotions, fears, frustrations
We feel shame, anxiety, depression,
guilt and regret, hurt and distress

So what do we do?
We hide and lie
pretend and mask
run to or from
We convince ourselves that we are alone, while everyone is….
Streaming through our brains
reasons we are unfit, unwelcome, ugly
“They will never understand…”
“….so different; so broken.”

But listen for a moment
This very journey will shape you,
Give you your passions, your convictions
teach you right from wrong,
show you to get up when you feel down,
foster compassion for those who
have fallen…. again.

On this journey open your eyes
you may feel all alone
We are actually beside you.
We are your fellow travelers,
navigating this life,
our own path.
You are not alone.
So when we feel the shame
the anxiety, depression
the guilt and regret,
hurt and distress
What do we do?
We share; we say “I’m not Ok”.
We tell the truth,
we take off the mask;
We grab someone’s hand and…
walk forward.
I will tell you this:
We will not always understand each other,
all different and broken,
but that does not make us ugly at all.
That makes us beautiful.
“We are Beautiful.”

Meet Where I Stand’s newest blogger Dawn Sachleben!

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addiction, Anxiety, Body image, depression, Eating Disorders, inspiration, life, loss, mental-health, recovery, truth, where I Stand, Women

Dawn Sachleben

Current City: Olalla, Washington

 Topics: Eating Disorders, Body Image, Addiction, Depression, Anxiety, and Recovery.

 I grew up on the beach of Southern California with two younger siblings. My parents loved us and did everything they could for us but there were problems on the horizon and it was felt in the home. At a young age I developed a love for dance, the only problem was I was much bigger than the other dancers and that was the beginning of my disease. My disease started with restrictions and later turned into bulimia. I had such a unhealthy relationship with food that my eating disorder just became a way of life. I was depressed and constantly anxious, I would pray that I would just go to sleep and never wake up. As a teenager my mother looked for help for me but at that point I was afraid to say what really was going on and I was a master of disguises. No one really ever knew how sick I truly was. This went on for years but along the way I would pick up other destructive behaviors I became a addict and alcoholic and in my thirties lost everything including the custody of my children. I had given up, I felt as if I couldn’t fight anymore. In January of 2011 my stepsister died due to complications with her eating disorder and addictions. This sent me further on a path of destruction and by the end I had isolated myself completely. Then one day I woke up and decided I had, had enough and decided I needed help but had know idea where to go or who to turn too. Luckily I somehow figured it out and today I am here to share my story of recovery and let others know that I have been there and there is hope.

 Why where I Stand?: Because together we are strong. Where I Stand has brought me so much comfort. Knowing that there are others like me out there has helped my recovery and now I want to help others who may be feeling lost and alone. Our stories are powerful and inspiring and we should be proud of who we are because we are enough. Society needs to be educated about mental health. The diseases that fall into this category need to be talked about and not ignored. There should not be guilt and shame associated with them. We should be able to talk about them freely without the negative stigma and I am passionate about spreading hope and being a voice for us.

 Interests/Hobbies: I love to paint and draw and be artsy. I love to dance my heart out when no one is looking. I love the smell and sounds of the ocean. I love Music. I love to write and learn. I am currently back in school working on my degree in Social Services Mental Health.

Are you interested in applying to be a Blogger for Where I Stand?
Click Here.

The Child Inside

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#believe, Anorexia, Anxiety, awareness, be you, beautiful, Bulimia, depression, eating disorder, Eating Disorders, encouragement, health, inspiration, mental-health, purple love, recovery, strength, where I Stand

Written By: Purple Love Guest Blogger Denise Kirschner

Do you see her? She’s coloring with her brand new, sharp crayons, blowing bubbles, watching them float aimlessly throughout the air, and wobbling on her pink Huffy bike with training wheels…she’s looking at her collection of stickers deciding whether she likes the puffy stickers or scratch and sniff ones, she’s lining up her Smurfs and glancing at her Disney comics…she’s reading I Am a Bunny with her brother, and stringing yarn through her animal sewing cards…

Do you see her? She’s pretending to cook alongside her Mom, decorating Chanukah sugar cookies, challenging her Dad to a game of Connect Four, and asking him to stay and watch her at her tap class…she’s blowing out the candles on her bunny birthday cake, enjoying Gramma’s Bisquick waffles with syrup in every square and Grampa’s toast smothered in Land O’Lakes butter…she’s wiping vanilla ice cream off the tip of her nose and relishing the chocolate frosting with the white squiggly line on her Hostess Cupcake…

Do you see her? Where did she go? Why is she hiding? Is that her crying? Why don’t the girls play with her? Why do the boys tease her about the way she looks? Why won’t they let her sit at the lunch table with them? Did they just laugh at her new dress covered with baby roses and her pixie haircut? Why did the cashier look at her and ask her mom…how old is your son?

She’s confused…her parents love her, her brother loves her. They say it doesn’t matter what girls think…that boys avoid her…that adults utter callous remarks….after all she’s cute and funny and talented… that’s all she needed to know and her heart healed.

That little girl with the short brown hair, toothy smile and toothpick legs, she lives inside of me as her feelings beat in my heart and her memories pierce my mind. Memories of her childhood filled with unconditional love and acceptance from her family tinged with bewilderment as the outside world saw her differently and judged her on her appearance. She believed though, that those who love you, they will never hurt you, they will want what’s best for you…and for the most part that satisfied her through her early adolescence and young adulthood. For so long, she lived happily inside of me. She did not fear life, she did not fear food nor did she let other people’s opinions deter her or people’s rules ruin her.

So when we met him, she too was excited. That innocent night turned into a relationship. Time passed and the loving relationship transformed into a marriage, a marriage that mutated into an eating disorder. That little girl, she faded, slowly shrinking away under his control and the numbness of the eating disorder. Who could blame her? She was scared, lonely, confused. Someone who supposedly loved her was hurting her, was hurting us. In her mind that was NOT supposed to happen after all love had never hurt her before. But his love caused hurt and pain. She disappeared and she lost me to him.

I missed her, but more than that, I needed her. She needed me. I left that marriage, a situation that was harming us both, behind. I had to search long and hard for her. I needed to regain her trust and let her know she was safe. And one day, ED stepped aside, anxiety slid over and she appeared in her brilliant blue pants and matching pink and blue tee shirt playing Lego’s. Cautiously, she let me back in her life, as I let her into my heart. And we began to heal.

That child, that beautiful little girl inside…she is the reason I strive for that yellow light, that light of recovery. She still needs more from me… she needs me to feed her body, care for her mind, and nurture her soul. I will not disappoint her. You see, I need her…her strength, her carefree spirit, her zest for life, and her courage to dream. So it is with her, hand in hand, heart to heart, that we head towards a life not dictated by ED, but a life filled with hope and passion – her life, my life, OUR life.

 My name is Denise and this is Where I Stand.

Mindfulness – for those of us who just can’t.

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#believe, Anorexia, Anxiety, awareness, be you, beautiful, beauty, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, Bulimia, Christianity, depression, Dialectical behavior therapy, disorders, eating disorder, Eating Disorders, Education, encourage, encouragement, friends, God, health, hope, inspiration, jesus, mental-health, Mindful, mindfulness

M-I-N-D-F-U-L

I don’t know about you but my mind is ALWAYS full.

For the past few years I’ve been challenged by my treatment providers to practice mindfulness.  Google gave me a pretty good definition. Here it is: a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique. Easy right? Um No.

For those of you who are like me words like focusing, present moment, calmly, and accepting might send you running in the opposite direction. I’m more of a live ten steps ahead of the game and try to distract myself away from the 3,000,000,000,000 things running through my brain at any given second (or so it seems).

But the truth is mindfulness is really powerful, useful, and helpful in the day to day for those recovering from and managing mental illness and those just seeking more peace in their lives (wow – I can’t believe I just said that shhhh don’t tell my therapist)

But I, of course like everything else, have had to adapt it to work for me. There is no way you are getting me to participate in an hour long body scan and not feel more anxious after than before. For some people that might be really helpful but not this girl. Below are some tools, tips and tricks for incorporating everyday mindfulness into your life (it’s how I do it at least)

1. In the Shower or Bath

• The beauty of using the shower or bath to practice mindfulness is that we all do it on a regular basis (I hope). And it is equipped with lots of tools: nice fragrances from body washes, soaps, shampoos, textures from loofas and wash clothes to hot water. This is also a time when you are guaranteed some privacy  away from the rest of the world. Most of the time I close my eyes and picture myself somewhere else for a few minutes.

2. When you Brush your teeth.

• Another great way to use your senses is to practice mindfulness while brushing your teeth. I close my eyes and pay really close attention to the minty taste in the my mouth, the foamy feeling and the fresh feeling right after.

3. Carry a flavored or scented chapstick.

• My personal favorite is Burt’s bees. If I’m out and about and become overly stressed and overwhelmed I put on my chapstick. I like the Burt’s bees kind because it adds a tingly sensation to my lips, and I focus all of my attention on my lips and how they feel for as long as I can. It’s my chance to give myself a mental break.

4.  Have a “happy place.”

• There are a trillion guided meditations out there for you to listen to. Some people love them so if you are interested you should try it, you can find many of them right online to listen to. For me I struggle with my mind and usually end up more anxious than when I started. But I do have a “happy place” in my head that I can close my eyes and go to. I go to the same place every time so it requires very little thinking or effort. For me I picturing myself curled up in the hand of Jesus. Your place could be anywhere in the world (or somewhere that does not exist), alone or with someone, with a pet even — it’s all up to you. And whenever you just need a little break – you close your eyes and go there. You might think it sounds strange – I sure did when I started practicing mindfulness but the benefits are amazing.

Give it a try.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand

One Truth That Will Help Set You Free.

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#believe, anchor, Anorexia, Anxiety, art, awareness, be free, be you, beautiful, beauty, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, Bulimia, Christianity, depression, Dialectical behavior therapy, eating disorder, health, inspiration, keep going, medicine, mental-health, one truth, truth, understanding

You can’t always trust how you feel.

It’s taken me the last six years of painful, rewarding, exhausting, exciting, frustrating, confusing, gratifying, work to not only know this truth but to believe it and understand it.

I used to live my life based on how I felt.

I feel like you are against me so I will react to it.

I feel depressed so therefore my life is horrible.

I feel happy so therefore I am cured.

I feel love so therefore I need you to survive.

I feel angry so therefore I must act.

There is only one word that can really describe my life as I lived it in this way: chaotic. Even if people didn’t see the chaos I felt it in my heart, in my soul, in my stomach and in my brain. I never felt safe because  I was a captive to my own emotions. I was being held captive to my own feelings. During this time I could not separate my feelings from truth. Now, I’m not saying that my feelings didn’t exist – because they surly did. But I believed that because I felt it; it was true – and that was simply not.

Today I live my life based on truths

Feelings don’t last forever.

I am okay.

People do the best that they can.

Not everything is as it seems or feels.

I cannot control everything; but I can control what I do right now.

I deserve recovery.

I deserve real healthy relationships.

I never realized how much my feelings were holding me captive in my disease; not until I began re-reading my journals and different emails that I have written to people who have been part of my recovery journey. Looking on the outside in I read my own words; panicked, fearful, lost searching for an anchor something to hold on to during these times of internal chaos.

You are your own anchor.

For me, I cling to Jesus, recovery, self-care, my passions, ambitions, helping others, art projects, and writing. Those things I know to be true. Those things I don’t feel. They are not temporary; fleeting; changing; they are pegs or nails for me to grasp.

Realizing that my feelings were working against me in this recovery process from time to time made me realize that I have more control over them than I ever knew. I get to decide how and when my feelings affect me. I get to decide what I allow to send me into chaos. I get to decide how I use my anchor. I get to decide which pegs I grab onto.

You do too.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

Where I Stand: Purple Love Eating Disorder Support Community.

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#believe, Anorexia, Anxiety, awareness, beautiful, beauty, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, Bulimia, Christianity, depression, eating disorder, Eating Disorders, Facebook, health, hope, inspiration, keep going, Mental disorder, mental-health, Purple Love campaign, Purple Love Fighters Group, recovery, understanding, where I Stand

Where I Stand 
Purple Love Fighters Group

In February 2014 Where I Stand reached over 32,000 people in 80 different countries on 7 different continents through the Purple Love campaign to spread awareness, education, hope and love about eating disorder recovery.

Well, here at Where I Stand we know all too well that Eating Disorders don’t just exist during the month of February.

We are thrilled to invite you to Where I Stand’s Purple Love Fighters Group. A place for the purple love community to come together and engage in supportive conversation about recovery from eating disorders filled with hope, love, perseverance and so much more! Eating Disorder Awareness Month may only be for 1/12 of the year, but Purple Love is 24/7.

How to Join:

1. Figure out if you want recovery. This group is recovery focused. It’s for people who WANT it. Send a Facebook request to “Wherei Stand: Click Here.
2. Send a message to Wherei Stand’s facebook saying you would like to join the Purple Love Fighter’s Group. List you current phone number, address and emergency contact. Also mention the nature of your struggle briefly. (All of this information will remain strictly confidential)
3. We will then invite you to the online community for individuals in recovery from an eating disorder.

What to expect:

1. Each week the purple love team will provide a recovery challenge and do a weekly “check in”. These are opportunities for each of you to push yourselves in recovery and celebrate your successes as well as talk about challenges.
2. Support, Hope & Encouragement from people who understand what you’re going through.

Rules & Guidelines:

1. No numbers (weights, calories, measurements ect.)
2. No treatment specifics or triggering details of the disease.
3. This is not a group to seek medical advice from.
4. If you feel triggered by someone or feel your recovery is threatened by someone/something in the group send a facebook message to Wherei Stand’s facebook.

** Where I Stand’s Purple Love Fighter’s group is not to be used as a replacement for professional treatment or medical care. This is simply a support forum in order to encourage recovery and inspire hope.

We have so much hope for you.
Erin, Lizzie & Natalie.

Where I Stand Purple Love Fighters Group

Raising a Teenager with a Mental Illness.

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#believe, Anorexia, Anxiety, art, Arts, awareness, be you, beautiful, beauty, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, Bulimia, Christianity, dating, daughter, depression, Dialectical behavior therapy, disorders, eating disorder, Education, encourage, encouragement, family, friends, God, health, hope, inspiration, inspire, jesus, keep going, life, love, major depression, medicine, Mental disorder, mental illness, mental-health, mother, Music, Poetry, recovery, strength, support, teenage boyfriend, teenager, Teens, treatment, truth, understanding, United States, where I Stand

Dealing with Love and Depression

Written by Anonymous

A few months back I wrote about my teenager with depression and dating.  Having a teenager dating is scary no matter what but having a teenager with mental illness dating is even scarier.  You never know how the mental illness will affect your child’s decisions and adding another teen with their own agenda into the mix can complicate that even further.  Yet, despite that I feel lucky and blessed because my child made a good choice in who to date.  Not only has her boyfriend not pressured her to do anything but he also is trying to understand her and her depression.  She’s lucky to have someone who is willing to learn about her and tries to understand her.  But that’s a lot to ask of anyone let alone a 17 year old.

She had a huge setback this winter, she had been doing pretty well and then she got ill and behind in school and overwhelmed.  She finally admitted that she felt like she was standing on the edge of the cliff and could see herself falling and felt unable to stop it.  And sure enough she fell back into a major depression.  At which point most teenage boyfriends would have left.  But he didn’t.  Instead she talked to him and tried to explain what was happening and what she needed, which for her is “bubbling” herself off from other people to focus on herself.  So he said okay, just tell me that and I will leave you alone.  So throughout the winter that was how it went.  He gave her the space and time to focus on her, and let her have the opportunity to cope without the pressure of a relationship when it was too much for her to handle.  And now, she seems to be coming out of her depression.  And entering what I refer to as the danger zone.  So now this teenage boyfriend now has to learn about this and trying to explain this is hard.  I refer to the danger zone as the period when you aren’t quite back to “normal” but aren’t deep into the hole of depression.  It where you are climbing out but if you grab one wrong rock (or someone says one wrong thing or something stressful happens) you can easily slide back in.  It’s easy to have setbacks here.  So as a parent you are cautiously optimistic at this time.  As a person with depression, you have to be careful during this time because your mood may change moment to moment.  And there are still days when she needs to bubble not necessarily to focus on herself but to protect herself from saying something wrong or mean or hurtful to people she cares about.  So now it’s a whole new scary situation for everyone again.  And in many ways it’s a new chapter in their relationship.

If he can cope through all this, he’s a pretty strong individual because it’s a lot to handle as a parent who has loved her for her whole life.  In the meantime I will just continue to do my best to support them both on this journey.

 

 

So Much: A Poem

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#believe, Anorexia, Anxiety, art, awareness, be you, beautiful, beauty, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, Bulimia, Christianity, depression, Dialectical behavior therapy, disorders, eating disorder, Eating Disorders, Education, encourage, encouragement, friends, God, health, honest truth, hope, inspiration, inspire, jesus, keep going, life, love, Mental disorder, mental-health, Poetry, recovery, strength, treatment, truth, understanding, where I Stand

So Much

By: Erin Elizabeth Casey

Do you ever feel the world on your shoulders by day and by night?

Do you have days when you ask: “Will it really actually for honest truth be alright?”

“People need me.”

“I have things to do, places to be.”

Close your eyes

Or look to the skies

Breathe in deeply now

Know this:

The world will continue on somehow

It may feel the world is on your shoulders – but it’s not

That is just something dark in our brains causing pain and distraught

The world will continue regardless of this decision or that

Life is a journey – not something we “arrive at”

When you ask yourself “Will it really actually for honest truth be alright?”

Say out loud: “I stand for not darkness, but light.”

When we fight for light we get joy, love, and hope in great measure

And those things are our greatest treasure

You are needed that is true

But you are needed to be your beautiful you

So that you can do what God has inspired you to do

And go to the place you are supposed to be too

Don’t be burdened by this world, this life, this treasure you’ve been given

Take what inspires you – and become driven

Remembering in your heart that you have been forgiven

Freed already from that burden on your shoulders by day and by night

And now you know it really actually for honest truth will be alright

It’s not all relative.

Tags

#believe, Anorexia, Anxiety, anxiety disorder, awareness, be you, beautiful, beauty, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, Bulimia, clinical depression, depression, Dialectical behavior therapy, disorders, eating disorder, Eating Disorders, Education, health, hope, inspiration, inspire, Mental disorder, mental illness, mental-health, Music, Poetry, understanding

There is a difference between feeling sad and being clinically depressed. There is a difference between worry and an anxiety disorder. There is a difference between organized and OCD.

Excuse the tone of this blog post, but I’m a little frustrated.

Mental illness is not something that is relative, subjective, grey. It is an illness that impedes the function on daily living. It’s causes are both biological and environmental. The idea that “everyone feels sad” is said to someone who has clinical depression is the same as saying “everyone feels sick sometimes” to someone fighting cancer. It’s insensitive to say the very least.

We can all agree that there is no universal “normal” in the world. My grandmother told me once – normal was just a setting on a dryer. But we each have our own “normal”. We each have our own ability to function; and just like with our stomachs, backs, eyes and ears, we can tell when something is not right with our thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

So yes. There is no universal “normal”. But there are globally accepted signs, symptoms, diagnostic criteria and treatments for mental illnesses.

Mental illness is not grey.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.