Letter of Hope…A Letter to Her…A Letter to My ED

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Anorexia, Anxiety, awareness, be you, beautiful, beauty, Bulimia, depression, eating disorder, encouragement, health, hope, mental-health, recovery, strength, understanding

Letter of Hope…A Letter to Her…A Letter to My ED
By Denise Kirschner

 It has been a while since I have written. We have chatted on occasion, but I think it is time that I really sit and talk to you about me, about us. Do you know you have been with me for 12 years? I was a newlywed whose husband began a slow, insidious attack on my body image. I was 28 at the time, in love and blind. Although I only weighed “x” pounds, I believed his words – I was a pork chop, I did not eat right, I did not exercise and when I did, it was not hard enough. That is when you were born. He helped nurture you, and I encouraged it. You gained more confidence and began to flourish. Together, me being the young bride and you being the young child, we wanted to please him and be that perfect wife. We wanted happily ever after, we wanted acceptance, we wanted security, and we wanted unconditional love… You kept growing stronger using the behaviors he taught us and developing some on your own. I grew more insecure, never happy with who I was as a person both inside and out. You worked in collusion with him, and I didn’t even know what was going on. I just went along with your decisions and his decisions, not questioning anything. I look back on those years and I despise what you both did to my life. The two of you worked together, isolated me from my friends and family, cursed me with a ritualistic, regimented lifestyle, and took my ability away to have children of my own. The two of you taught me to obsess about what I was eating, when I was eating, how much I was eating as I beat my body to a pulp with exercise, poor nutrition. I became you…I lost my identity to you and to him.

And then in 2010, I began to question everything…was I truly living, was I happy, was I in love…the answer to those questions and many more were no… I existed as a person, but I was not the girl, the woman I once was. Miraculously, you backed away and gave me space to begin my journey towards recovery – I moved out, divorced the man who hurt me so deeply, set up a strong treatment team, and eventually entered treatment – all in hopes to find my true self and to live.

 So, please listen carefully as you need to know all of this, I need you to understand every word I am saying to you…

I am no longer angry with you. I now know that you were protecting me. I know this and am sure of this. Without you in the marriage I would not be here today. You actually transformed into a buffer between him and me. You absorbed his hateful words, you protected me from his random outbursts, you kept me numb so I would not experience the emotional pain he was inflicting. And then at some point you must have realized I was ready or we were ready to move on. After 8 years, you knew that it was time to ease your tight grip…my voice became louder as yours diminished. It was me, who told my husband that we, both he and I needed help in order to survive. It was me, who walked away when he refused to go to therapy. It was me, who learned to live independently and make important decisions. You kept a watchful eye. When things after the divorce started to crumble, you reappeared. Although you were there, my voice was still present. It was my voice who decided to go to treatment, it was our voice that shared the pain of a terrified body image, the sadness of my inner child whose dreams were stolen, the confusion of a 30 year old who lost her identity to a man who convinced her he loved her…. You gave me room to share my story, and feel my emotions…and so I began to truly heal.

 We came home, and yes we relapsed quickly, but again I know you were preventing me from feeling anguish so intense it would have swallowed me whole. Nothing could have prepared me for an unexpected change in my career or the shock of seeing him on a daily basis with his new wife. That shock turned into a deep pain within my soul, when they had a baby, a baby he never wanted, a baby that I had once longed for. You came back so quickly to let me know, that in order to move forward, we had more to share and more to feel.

 So here we are, almost two years since treatment…in the past 6 months I have committed to and sustained my belief that recovery is possible. My urges to act on behaviors are less. I am cooking, eating a greater variety, exercising less… I am using my voice to handle situations at work and with him… I am opening myself up to the world and forming new relationships…I celebrated a 40^th birthday and for the first time in years did not engage in behaviors…I establish boundaries…I ask for support…I cry, I laugh, I feel anger and disappointment…I experience joy, sorrow, love, and fear. Thank you for giving me this space to breathe and to live. But you must know, I am ready for more, I want more, I need more… I want you to know, I can handle more. Let me continue this journey in recovery so I can do more than live, but experience life to the fullest… You have helped me get to this place… I know a part of you will always be there… I will respect when you reappear. It is just your way of telling me there is something that I need to look at and to learn from. And that is just what I will do.

 After all we have been through it is time. It is time for me to let go. I think you recognize that. I think you respect that. So, let me take the reins over and live my life to its fullest

So I may live truly as my self,
Denise

The Problem with Social Media

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#believe, Alexa, Anorexia, Anxiety, art, awareness, be you, beautiful, beauty, Bulimia, depression, encouragement, health, hope, inspiration, mental-health, Social Media, understanding, where I Stand

The Problem With Social Media
By: Alexa Witcofsky

As much as I don’t want to believe it, social media rules our world. Instead of enjoying the moment we are in, we think about how we can show other people what we are doing and how much fun we’re having. Okay, I admit it: I’m very guilty of doing this. Whenever I go to some place new or have a nice outfit on, I feel a need to snap shot the moment and share it with my friends.

Now we all know the old cliché, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” However, I don’t think this really applies here at all. Pictures don’t show character. Pictures don’t show personality. Pictures don’t show who a person truly is. The picture simply shows a two dimensional portrayal of whoever is in it. Which means as you scroll through the comments of these pictures, the only comments applicable contain words such as pretty. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy being called beautiful, but I am so much more than that. This obsession with “likes” and “favorites” puts our focus on the physical appearance of the people in the pictures, NOT who we truly are.

           I don’t know if you have seen the stories, but more and more teens are getting plastic surgeries to look like their favorite celebrities. They have been bullied for their appearance and believe the best way to stop things is to change how they look. Some people think this is funny, but it really shows the fault in a society that highly values appearance. We value what can be seen before even getting to know who a person truly is, and that is a shame.

            When I was in treatment, we rarely had access to social media, weren’t allowed to have fashion magazines, and could only watch approved television or movies. At the time, it was a really hard adjustment and I felt so out of the loop. But after a while I realized how freeing it was. There was nobody else to compare myself to, no magazines flaunting diet secrets, and no Joan Rivers mercilessly mocking women for not being society’s definition of “skinny”. Instead of all of this, we focused on our soul self. The part of us that no matter what we looked like always remained the same. The part of me that loves art, dancing like a fool, and Harry Potter. I learned more about myself in this time than I ever had, because it was the first time I could be completely alone with myself.

So the best advice I can give here is take a break from it all. When you notice that your mood changes, when you’re thinking about ways to compare to someone, deactivate. Take a moment without social media to be you and not care what other people are doing. Pick up a cheesy teen book that will make you smile, do the wonderful art projects that Dawn posts on this site, or simply go for a walk and take in the fresh air. Whatever feeds your soul self should be all that’s on your agenda. There is so much more to you than your appearance, and there are so many ways to realize this. People love you for who you are- your personality, your humor, your grace.

The trick of being a truly beautiful person is not doing your makeup perfectly or having the most toned body. It’s showing off your soul self and the amazing qualities that you as a person have to offer. When I am an old woman, I want people to look back on my life and think that I was beautiful because I made a difference. I helped people who needed it, I laughed and loved life. I don’t want to be remembered for simply being a pretty shell of a human being. I am so much more than that, and so are you.

My name is Alexa and this is Where I Stand

All or Nothing: how learning to manage a thought distortion helped my recovery.

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#believe, Anxiety, awareness, bipolar, Bulimia, depression, disorders, eating disorder, health, treatment, where I Stand

Recovering from and learning to live in my recovery process from an Eating Disorder and Bipolar Disorder has been really challenging at times. There is no sugar coating it. My brain at times operates against me; and I have had to develop skills and tools to combat that. Thankfully I’ve had a lot of really great treatment providers patiently teaching me and coaching me though fighting my own brain.

One of the things that my brain does is all or nothing thinking. Naturally I want to be the best or I don’t want to do it at all. I want to be best friends with someone or not friends. I want to write a book or write nothing. I want to run a marathon or run nothing. You get the idea. This way of thinking is harmful in many ways. First, it set myself up for failure and disappointment. My expectations for everything I did or wanted was so high that my ability to achieve it was actually very small. It also put really high and challenging expectations on relationships. I had all of these ideas of what the relationship should be; I never actually got to enjoy any of the people around me.

It also filtered my life through a lens of “This situation will either be horrible or wonderful” This is emotionally taxing on anyone and creates a lot of ups and downs in moods and behavior. This mindset combined with my perfectionism and fear of failure pushed me to ignore the my emotional and physical cues of needing a break, needing help, knowing when the stop or slow down.

There is also the other side to the “All or Nothing” thought distortion, you know the nothing side. I would neglect parts of my life that I either felt hopeless and overwhelmed over or these were things that made me feel most uncomfortable. At different times these things were: my outward appearance, connecting with my peers, my health, school, my family and my friends.

The things that I was ALL about and the things that I was NOTHING about fluctuated given the time. Living this way added to the chaos of my life. I never felt satisfied, and always felt not good enough.

So how do you recognize and begin to change this way of thinking?

• [Awareness] Notice a pattern. It takes time to create a pattern and sometimes it helps to have another person help with this part (someone that knows you well and that you trust).
  • What are you ALL invested in?
  • What do you neglect of invest NOTHING in?
  • At this point think about your expectations, are they reasonable?
  • How do you feel in your relationships?
• Decide what you really want. Its hard to change out you think. For the longest time I told my therapist that if I gave up this method of thinking than I would be less successful. That wasn’t true. I became more successful as I became more balanced. Once you decide you want balance it becomes a matter of defining it.
• What does balance look like to you?  [DO NOT confuse balance with perfection.. my brain will do that]
  • Physically?
  • Emotionally?
• Use the awareness of your patterns (behavioral and emotional) and start reminding yourself in the moment that your dealing with a thought distortion and the world really isn’t all or nothing. In those moments give yourself other options. This takes a lot of time and hard work. But with practice new patterns are formed based on the balance that you desire.

I know it’s hard, but you can do it.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand

“Broken vs Unbroken” how language keeps people from living well.

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#believe, Anorexia, Anxiety, art, awareness, be you, beautiful, beauty, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, Bulimia, Christianity, depression, Dialectical behavior therapy, disorders, Eating Disorders, Education, encouragement, Erin Elizabeth Casey, friends, health, keep going, Music, Poetry, strength, treatment, understanding, United States, where I Stand

I was in third grade and I still struggled with reading. Every single night my mom and I would climb in her bed with a Judy B. Jones books and I would sputter and stutter my way through page after page in agony. At school that had already labeled me as “slow”. I was in every remedial class there was.

My mother was livid.

Maybe because she knew her child was NOT going to fall behind; maybe she felt like the teachers were not living up to their end of the deal (because Lord knows we were doing hours of work at home.) Or, quite possibly she was just frustrated and didn’t know what to think.

Honestly a lot of it had to do with labels. My mom did NOT want me labeled as anything other than my name “Erin Elizabeth Casey.” Oh, and you better believe she fought tooth and nail to make sure that I wasn’t.

Thankfully (for my mother’s sanity), as a third grader my biggest issue was that I liked to run around in school and I got very easily distracted by my peers. Those things were quickly remedied when my parents began paying me and my siblings for high grades (well let’s just say I liked money more than having fun at school). I quickly became a straight A student, and a very high achiever in general.

But, not everything can be fixed with a bribe.

When later, my depression darkened the rest of my life, no amount of money could have gotten me out of that one. It didn’t work that way. There wasn’t a quick fix. There was not an escape button to push. I suffered severely from depression and that more than anything needed to be acknowledged and treated so that I could get better.

It’s hard to admit the truth though when it’s not what you want it to be. I couldn’t snap out of it. I wasn’t going to grow out of it. I had to admit I was sick and ask for help.

Today we look at mental health as

“I’m messed up and they are not.”
“I’m crazy and they are not.”
“I’m broken and they are not.”

It’s not that black and white. It’s much more like “I’m struggling right now so I need support.” We all have mental health so at different times we all need support in different ways. Understanding that needing and asking for help does not mean you’re in a different category or that you have a label of your forehead.

You can’t be labeled. You are so much more.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

When life throws you a curve ball…

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#believe, Anorexia, Anxiety, awareness, baseball, beauty, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, curve ball, depression, eating disorder, health, home run, hope, mental-health, recovery, strength, treatment, understanding, where I Stand

How many of you are baseball fans? Well, honestly I know very little about the sport. I played T-ball with the neighborhood boys growing up (and my job consisted of mainly standing in the outfield with my hands on my hips waiting for it to be over). I did attend more than a few Orioles games with by late grandfather, he loved the game. My favorite parts were getting to throw peanut shells on the ground and getting an upside-down plastic baseball cap full of ice cream.

While I don’t know much about this national pastime, I do know quite a bit about dealing with life’s “curve-balls”

Recently at work (I work at a therapeutic residential home for teenage boys) we ran into a staffing issue because of a requested vacation and coverage falling through. We found out the day of that there was not going to be a night counselor there for the overnight shift, well, that’s not an option. My job is the Activities Counselor, I’ve had it for just about the past year, and my schedule is 40hrs of afternoons/evenings and some weekends.

I don’t work overnight, one because that’s not my job and two because I maintain and pretty consistent schedule in my life so that I can function my best given medications, meals, anxiety levels – it’s not strict; but major jolts to the schedule usually need to be planned for (and sometimes thats not possible)

I’ve worked through the night while taking a resident to the emergency room before, but in that situation there was no thinking; only doing.

This time, I’ve realized that I’m going to need to cover two of the overnight shifts for the scheduling error. This is a challenge for me.

So what do I do?

1. I could panic, but from my history of dealing with curve balls I know that will do me absolutely NO good.
2. I could give up on my recovery until my schedule is back the way I want it to be but that will not only do me NO good, but that will HURT me.
3. I could quit my job because it’s making my life more difficult, but again the complications and consequences that would come from that would most likely be far greater than anything I’m dealing with now.
4. I could accept that this is going to be a challenge and plan (to the best of my ability) accordingly. What will be helpful? What will NOT be helpful? How can I take care of myself during this difficult time? What tools can I use? Who can I reach out to support from?

I decided to go with number 4 (here is what I did):

• I decided to get extra sleep during the day (and consulting with my doctor about changing the hours I take my medication a little bit)
• I decided to pack myself some healthy (and yummy) snacks so I am not tempted to use eating disordered behaviors.
• I packed some little things I can work on that were fun (like writing and art) to keep myself busy in between checking on the residents.
• I made a list of the people I can call/text if I’m feeling out-of-whack because my schedule is a mess so they can remind me that it’s because of my schedule and not because I’m not doing well.
• I asked for time to recover and get back on track after throwing my schedule off.

Nothing is impossible. Life is going to be crazy and sometimes you are going to have 10 curve balls coming at you at one time. The important thing to remember though, is that while you are not in control of the “ball” or situation you are in control of how you react to it, what resources you use and what you do to navigate it.

Given the right tools, just like a baseball player with the right training – we can hit them all right out of the park.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

It’s the little things that make the biggest difference – fighting those side comments that really sting 101.

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Advocacy, awareness, college mental health, encouragement, health, interpersonal skills, mental-health, relationships, understanding

Doesn’t it seem like everyone has an opinion about what you should be doing to take care of yourself? Maybe you’re stuck between family members and providers who disagree about your diagnosis, current situation or treatment regimen.

I’ve been there and it’s a crappy place to be.

Even today a few years well into my recovery I still hear the opinions of others often in question form that imply judgement without knowledge of what the current status of my mental and physical well being.

“Do you really think you need that medication?”
“Do you really think you need that provider or therapist?”
“Shouldn’t this be better?”
“Well, compared to [insert name]….”
“Why can’t you…”
“Why do you…”

Now listen, a lot of the ignorant things people say to me I’m able to brush off; I’ve grown a tough skin and low expectations for the world’s understanding and readiness to understand mental health on the level that I am openly talking about it. But those people in my life that I’m closest too, those that I expect some comfort and relief from – those people I sometimes feel hurt by.

I’ve learned a few truths that help me cope with this hurt; and they might help you.

1. People will never fully understand what you are going through and/or experiencing (so don’t expect them to.)
2. I don’t have to explain everything to everyone AND I don’t have to explain anything to anyone I don’t want to.
3. Just because someone doesn’t understand mental illness/mental health does not mean they don’t care about me.
4. If I remind myself, and believe that I’m okay, that’s enough.
5. At the end of the day it does not matter what anyone says or thinks about my recovery as long as it works for me.

 

Remember relationships are difficult without mental health issues! Ask help for navigating them if you need to. You are worthy of support and love.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

Let’s be honest: Depression sucks.

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Anorexia, Anxiety, awareness, beautiful, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, Bulimia, depression, Dialectical behavior therapy, encouragement, health, Mental disorder, mental-health, recovery

If you’ve heard me talk you know what I Stand for, you know my story, you know that I advocate very strongly that mental illnesses are NOT death sentences and that there is life (lot’s of it) in learning to navigate and use mental health tools to your advantage. You know that I believe mental health is for EVERYONE. You’ve also heard me talk about how challenging living with a mental illness is.

Honestly, most of the time I tend the shy away from the nitty gritty details of depression and anxiety, eating disorders, bipolar disorder and other mood disorders, personality disorders, behavioral disorders and other mental illnesses that the world casts so much stigma and shame on because there is already so much darkness there and I hate to add to it.

But, there comes a point where sometimes the truth is dark. Sometimes the truth is ugly. Sometimes the truth is painful, and ignoring it is only going to make it worse.

I deal with depression pretty regularly on and off. I swallow my cocktail of prescription medications on a daily basis. I use the DBT skill MEDDSS to track how I’m doing. I constantly talk myself out of negative thought processes and into living my life. I have a therapist.

But today I’m just going to say it: Depression really sucks.

It sucks that it’s hard to get out of bed sometimes. It sucks that it’s hard that even with loved ones I feel alone. It sucks that this dark cloud that follows me on my bad days just looms there, even when really good things happen – and while I know I should be happy; I can’t. It sucks when I smile and wave at people, but really just feel like an empty shell. Everything is a chore. Everything is difficult. Everything hurts. The time moves in slow motion as I pray for nightfall. The world seems foggy and grey.

Thankfully for me, the depths and lengths of my depressions are not as bad or deep or long as they once were. But they are still there. I use to fight them, fight them like hell, as if I were waging a war against the universe. I would not sleep, or only sleep; I would yell and scream at people for reasons I didn’t even understand. I would take it out on my body in extreme ways.

Today I don’t fight it anymore. I know what it is, kind of like a headache or a migraine or a stomach ache. I acknowledge that it sucks. I allow myself to take it as easy as I need to. I ask myself what I need while I’m not feeling well.

In order to heal we must become aware; in order to become aware we must be honest.

Let’s be honest: Depression Sucks.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

Meet our newest blogger: Christina Mannarano

Tags

Alcohol, Anxiety, awareness, blogger, Christina, depression, encouragement, guest blogging, health, hope, share, story, strength, Substance abuse, teenage substance abuse, understanding

Christina Mannarano

Current City: Harrisonburg, Va

Topics: Substance Abuse, Anxiety and Depression, Bi-Polar Disorder, Self-Harming

Growing up, I lived with an abusive, and controlling alcoholic father. It was hard seeing someone you love be so difficult on themselves and their family. I firmly believed and even told myself when I was younger that I would never abuse alcohol. But things change. When I was in highschool I began drinking and partying with my friends because it was “the cool thing to do” at that age. As I grew older and got out of highschool I began looking for parties; even if it consisted of people I didn’t know just to get drunk. I hated the idea of anyone trying to control me. So when I began partying heavily and someone stated I had drank too much or should probably stop, I did just the opposite. The same thing occurred when people told me I shouldn’t drive. I was a drunk driver for many years. When I met my fiancé Joseph, I slowed down with partying and generally drank only with him and his friends. Casually enjoying a glass or wine or playing a few games and while getting drunk still occurred, it wasn’t a 3-4 times a week experience. Throughout our relationship, as we became more comfortable, I began drinking heavier again. During this time I would consider myself a bing drinker. In 2009, I had a night of heavy drinking and driving that changed my life. I went into a couple years worth of deep depression and experienced numerous anxiety attacks that changed who I was. I still get upset to this day when I think about that night, but I trust God knowing that he had a purpose behind it all. Over the next couple of years, I still drank, going in and out of jobs and happiness, and even becoming abusive to others while intoxicated. I also began harming myself physically as a failed attempt to ease my pain; I still have scars that remind me of my struggle. Thankfully at some point dying that misery I chose to actively purse sobriety. I still can’t believe that the man I caused so much turmoil with my drinking is standing beside me and marrying me this June! God is good. He is merciful and never ending! Sobriety is beautiful, and each day I thank the Lord for getting me through 24 more hours of clear-headedness. “One day at a time”

Why Where I Stand? When I first found out what Where I stand represented, I immediately felt comforted. I have faced many things throughout my years that has made me feel alone. I even had my mother at times say “I don’t know what you’re feeling or what it means?” Although my mom has done everything humanly possible to understand what I have gone through and to understand what I feel or have felt, she still has never experienced these feelings and emotions first hand and that still leaves open ended questions. Where I Stand, helps to reassure me that I’m not alone. That there are many people of different ages, races and of  the opposite sex that show me that I have support, understanding and acceptance. I wanted to be a part of that. I wanted to be one more person that can and will help someone else know that they’re not alone. That they don’t have to hide or feel ashamed. I’ve suffered with substance abuse, depression and anxiety for numerous years… I want others to know they always have someone on their side… I’m Christina, and this is Where I Stand!

Fun Fact: I love learning about the body and the brain. I thoroughly enjoy to see how we, as humans, are wired and I am not bothered by any type of bodily fluids or parts. I am currently pursuing and Medical Coding Certificate, and in 2015 will be starting Nursing School!

Where I Stand is so excited to have Christina with us! Are you interested in blogging for Where I Stand?

Take a look at our bloggers bios and fill out an application if you are interested!

http://thisiswhereistand.com/meet-our-guest-bloggers/

One truth about therapy.

Tags

Anorexia, Anxiety, awareness, be you, beautiful, beauty, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, Bulimia, Christianity, eating disorder, Eating Disorders, encourage, health, hope, Mental disorder, mental-health, therapist, therapy, treatment providers, understanding

I sit on my therapist’s green couch every other week these days and we talk about tools, emotions, recovery, being proud of myself, being grateful, goals, disappointments, relationships, work and everything or anything else that comes up.

Therapy is a tool that I use to help me navigate through some of the more challenging or complicated parts of my life. It’s a treatment that has taught me new ways of doing things and/or reacting to situations; because I’ve been through things and have certain illnesses that require additional assistance and are particularly challenging.

I think of my therapist like a swim teacher, and life an ocean. She can’t save me, carry me, do it (meaning life) for me. She doesn’t pull me down or attempt to create more waves either. No, my therapist teaches me how to swim on my own so that I can live outside of realms of treatment.

It’s so easy to wish someone could just make me better. I’ve wished on occasion that my medication was all I needed. I’ve prayed to God asking why he didn’t just cure me. And at times in my life I have put all of my hopes into treatment providers to be my lifesaver rather than my swim teacher.

Honestly though, learning to live outside of treatment, or within the realms of this metaphor learning to swim, while it has been incredibly difficult sometimes seemly impossible has been more gratifying than anything or any accomplishment I can remember.

I spent so long searching for someone to save me. Then I realized I could save myself.

My therapists over the years have been vital to my treatment, recovery and success in maintain it. But, but even as my therapist changed I continued to work, to learn, to utilize. You are you’re very own constant. You have the opportunity to learn from the people in your life no matter how long they are there.

The purpose of a therapist is to teach you you to swim on your own in this ocean of life with waves and storms and sharks – so what you know you’ll be okay.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.

Stop saying you’re sorry.

Tags

#believe, acceptance, Anxiety, anxiety disorder, anxiety disorders, be you, beautiful, beauty, brother, depression, encouragement, health, hope, OCD, sorry, understanding, where I Stand

My brother has an anxiety disorder that used to make him apologize for himself all day long. He apologized for existing – taking up space; living as though his consumption of oxygen was too much. Painfully I watched my brother tiptoe around the world working hard to please everyone; working hard to make peace with everyone everything.

“I’m sorry.”
“Is that okay?”
“Are you sure?”

Were just a three of the phrases he quietly repeated hundreds of times day. Even those of us without anxiety disorders, even those of us who are not saying it out loud we’re after the same thing in our heads.

Reassurance
Comfort
Acceptance

I would continually tell my brother to “stop saying you’re sorry” but he couldn’t he needed to say it. Today I want to scream at the top of my lungs: YOU ARE OKAY so the world can hear. It’s painful to watch person after person hurt themselves, torture themselves, drive themselves literally insane in attempts to get those three things. I’m not talking about seeking attention. I’m not talking about wanting someone to notice you. I’m talking about you wanting to feel connected, cared for, loved, accepted.

My message to you today is that you don’t have to apologize to me. You don’t have to change. You don’t have to fit a mold. Don’t try to disappear. I want to hear you. I want to see you. Take up space. Take up room. You are accepted. I invited you into this space because with out you we’re missing something. Without you we’re at a loss. There is only one you – and never say your sorry for being you.

My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand.