There is never a good time to do something hard. There is never a good time to make changes; I mean come on change is never really convenient. When thinking about treatment I could have given you 10,000 things I could of done rather than work in that uncomfortable space day after day. Maybe if I had spent that time studying my grades would have been higher; if I had spent that time working I would have had more money; if I had spent that time with friends… well maybe I would have had more friends. I could have listed to you at least 100 people who I thought were worse off than me, so therefore I didn’t really need any treatment (right?)
The point is if you gave me a minute; a second really I could have told you at any given time my reason “not to” seek help. So you might be wondering at this point, why did I do it? Why did I continuously give up my time, energy, and money to treatment, to recovery?
Since I began struggling with mental health issues very early in life I also became very attune to the fact that I had two choices as I entered young-adulthood. Choice one was that I allowed my illness to manage me and my future. Choice two was that I learned to manage my illness . At this point these illnesses had already taken enough from me and I could’t let them take anymore, so I decided to begin the long journey of understanding, managing and growing. There were times when my list of reasons “not to” ran through my thoughts and there were times when I briefly listened to it. But at the end of the day I always came back to these two choices:
- Let my illness manage me.
- Learn to manage my illness.
Thankfully choice 2 always won out (and continues to win today). Just remember there is always a reason “not to”. But ask yourself: What am I looking at/for in the big picture?
My name is Erin and This is Where I Stand
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- Lottery Results and Mental Illness Awareness Week (supinemusings.wordpress.com)
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- How the Mental Health Industry Creates Disease, Works with Big Pharma (naturalsociety.com)